Why I Hated, Hated Human Biology

     Human biology is a requirement class that meet twice a week for 1 hour, 15 minutes and once a week for 2 hours 45 minutes. It is two classes in one (a lecture and a lab) but only counts for four credits (most classes are worth three). 
     That is not why I hated the class (well, not the only reason). This is the reason:

     I was excited to hear the last chapter to be covered would be about evolution. What could be more exciting than learning about how single cell organisms evolved to the menagerie of flora and fauna that we see today. 
     Unfortunately, like every other lesson in this class, grades are more important than knowledge. Instead of the poetry of evolution, we have that chart above. Get ready for the final!

X Quick College Tips

Some college wisdom for soon-to-be freshman (I'll update this post constantly, feel free to send me suggestions).

• Failing a class will drop your GPA by about half a point. If you are in fear of failing a class, it is much better to drop it and retake it than to fail it and have to retake it.

  
  

  The deadline for dropping a class is usually the week of the midterm. If you feel you bombed, this is your last opportunity.

  
  

  Most professors will allow a previous edition of the textbook. Email him/her before the semester starts and ask.

  However, Amazon.com will always buy new textbooks for a generous price. Th difference in prices can equal renting or even buying used. Do the math first.

  
  

  There will be a club fair at the beginning of every semester. Commit yourself to one club per semester until you find the best one. Being president of one club is better than being a member of 10.

  
  

  Look at next semester's classes in advance. Most classes will be full by the time you can register. Stay updated on which classes are available.

  
  

  Your first semester is not the hardest. Every semester will be the hardest. You will have to take more advanced classes in addition to the required classes.

  
  

  Read the textbook ahead of time. At least the first chapter. Keep going until you don't understand what it is talking about.

  
  

  Professors will love you if you raise your hand. Every single professor hates the uncomfortable silences.

  
  

How to Review a Movie

In honor of Roger Ebert, I will be posting my review breakdown of "Evil Dead" which is currently in cinemas. This review will appear on the next issue of the Beacon.

1) Is this movie worth seeing? 

     Before you introduce the plot or even offer your humble opinion regarding the movie, you must tell the reader if it is worth seeing. Most people who read reviews have already made up their minds based on the trailer or past work by the actors, directors and such. The first paragraph either validates or contradicts their opinions, so make it count.

The remake of the 1981 cult-hit has revealed two things about the "Evil Dead" franchise. First, the success of the original depended far more on Bruce Campbell than previously thought. Second, given its 26 million dollar opening weekend haul, hard R-rated horror flicks still have a place in Hollywood.

     In three sentences, I have established my credentials as a "Deadite" with my knowledge of the "Evil Dead" franchise and subtly endorsed R-rated horror movies. If the reader were to stop reading, he or she would already know the gist of my feeling about the movie.

2)  Introduce the plot and key players (No Spoilers!)

    This is when you introduce the plot, actors and the director. But this is not an analysis, you can assume the reader has seen the trailer and read the official synopsis but little else.
      If there is merit, talk about the director and actors.

The setup remains unchanged: a cabin in the woods, a group young men and women, and possessions by demons which can only be reversed through dismemberment. Shiloh Fernandez is the Bruce Campbell stand-in and although he gives it his best, his performance as the Ash character is the film's only major flaw. Ironically, Sam Raimi, the director of the original "Evil Dead", claims that Fede Alvarez was chosen because he was the only applicant not to include a part for Campbell in his proposal.

Mia (Jane Levy) has survived a heroin overdose and seeks the recluse cabin to wean herself off once and for all. Behind her back, Mia's friends and brother conspire to keep her in the cabin at all costs. Mia's brother David (Fernandez) raises several objections but is eventually persuaded. 

I have introduced the plot and added some criticism. I do not recommend either praising or denouncing the movie directly unless you are using it for context. Not many people know that particular tidbit about the movie, but it wouldn't make as much sense if I did not include the consequences of that decision.

3) What did you love/hate about this movie?

    It's easier to stick to absolutes. Write about the parts that you loved. If you did not love the film as a whole, write about the parts that you hated later and and vice-versa.

The movie takes a surprisingly quick turn to the gorefest. Eric (Lou Pucci) is the mandatory idiot who unleashes demons by reading Latin from the Book of the Dead. What follows is a rollercoaster ride through the circles of hell. Mia's possession is tragically similar to her withdrawal symptoms. When David and Eric finally realize what is actually happening, it is already too late. It is Alvarez's show from now and the director of "Panic Attack" is not content to mutilate his cast but he also deconstructs bodies a la David Cronenberg in "The Fly".

Characters are scalded, Glasgow smiled, buckshot, nail gunned , and beaten to bloody pulps in the second act alone. Alvarez shows his skill as a director and his sick sense of humor in the brief calm moments between the violence. This film is the equivalent of a fat kid given the keys to the candy store. It's not satirical, funny or even groundbreaking. But it is an ultra-violence party cranked to 11. Alvarez has a eye for the practical effects and he takes full advantage of it here.

    This is when you present your evidence for your recommendation of the film. Why would you see it again? What parts of it do you still remember days later? What did you see that you had never seen before.
    Again, no spoilers.

4) An invitation

 

    In one sentence or two, come up with an argument for those who are undecided on the movie.

If you like your horror raw, see this movie. And if you're a fan of the original, stay until after the credits.

That about wraps it up. Remember, no spoilers!

 

   

3 (Free or Cheap) Tools that Make College Life Easier

      Do you want a full night of sleep every night? How about time to prepare before every exam or term paper? Are you interested in a easy way to study before every test or quiz?
      Good news, there are free or extremely cheap ways to make sure you never arrive to class sleep deprived, pull an all-nighter trying to finish an essay on time or spend time cramming for an exam. 

3) Alarms (set to the same time every day)

      Remember Monday mornings in high school when everyone would shuffle into classrooms without an ounce of energy? It doesn't take a genius to figure out why. If you wake up at 10 a.m. on weekends, it's going to be hell to wake up at 7 a.m. the next day. Now multiply that times a thousand and you will have an idea of what 8 a.m. college classes are like.
      Here is the problem, even if you purposely try to register for morning classes, odds are that the classes you need aren't available at the same time. This is the main problem. You may have a 8 a.m. class on Tuesdays and Thursdays but 11 a.m. classes on Mondays and Wednesdays. College classes meet either twice per week for one hour and fifteen minutes, or once per week for two hours and forty minutes.
       Believe it or not, it is actually easier to wake up at 7 a.m. daily than to do it every other day. Let me explain, the human body is remarkably adaptable to patterns. This is why you have to exercise or diet more to lose the last ten pounds than to lose the first 15. This is also why waking up for school on Monday was hell compared to waking up for school on Friday. Your body had four days to reorganize you REM sleep cycle. 
       But when you decide to sleep in on the weekends, you are destroying your sleep cycle. I'm not making this up. This explains why traveling to other time zones can lead to insomnia. Or why losing an hour during Daylights savings increases traffic collisions (hint: losing an hour of sleep is similar to driving drunk).
       Here's how you can easily solve this: wake up at the same time every day. I know, I know, everyone loves sleeping in. But take a look at this:

       Yes, I wake up at 6:30 a.m. every day. It works for me because I have morning classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays and I go to my internship on Wednesdays and Fridays. So what do I do the rest of the week? On Mondays, I go early to college to catch up on homework. And on the weekends, I have an extra hour to get ready for work.
       I know what you're thinking, "I like to stay up all night, go to parties, or study until 3 a.m. and I could never function on so little sleep."
        From personal experience, I can tell you that two things will happen: One, it will become so easy to wake up at the same time, you may not need the alarm after a month or two. And two, if you stay out the night before, your body will make up the difference the next night.
        I stayed up until 1 a.m. last month on a Saturday to watch UFC 158 with my friends. I woke up the next day at 6:30 a.m. feeling rested and ready for work. But fast-forward to 9 p.m. and I couldn't keep my eyes for the life of me. I slept almost nine hours that night.
       You don't have to take my word for it. Try it out for a couple of weeks. It is shockingly easy to fall into a schedule.

2) Calendars (with reminders/countdowns)

        How long would it take you to read a short story, research it, write a eight-page paper and proof read it? For me, it's about a month. Two weeks to read it and re-read it. One week to collect journals, essays, background information, etc.. And one weekend to write it and proof-read it. Luckily, there's an App for that:

       So my paper is due on April 23, I'm writing it over this weekend and proof-reading Monday morning. Today, I'm starting to collect reviews, analysis and critiques of Mario Vargas Llosa's metaphysical "Letters to a Young Writer". I spend the previous two weeks reading it, dissecting its style and looking for quotes.
       But this is all about you. How long does it take you to prepare for a midterm? If it covers X amount of chapters, you want X amount of days. Then you want a days to go over everything you didn't understand. And if your professor has a review day, make sure to be done with your reading before then.

 1) Index Cards (they will save your life)

        Why do we study before a final? We have gone through the lessons, done homework and had quizzes along the way. Paradoxically, the students who pay the most attention in class spend the most time studying.
        The answer, of course, is that we cannot possibly retain an entire semester's worth of information. So we study the week (or night) before in hopes of retaining most of the information for at least a day. The day of the final.
       But there is an easier way to memorize all of the information needed: index card.
        For the purposes of this blog, let's say you have to memorize the 50 states and capitals. Write each state on one side and the capital on the other. Here is the trick: make two piles, one for the ones you know (weekly) and one for the ones you don't (daily). Over the next six days, try the now much smaller daily pile, if you remember the states, move them to the weekly pile. The following week, try the now larger weekly pile, the states you remember, move to a third pile (monthly). Repeat this process for a month or until all cards are moved to the monthly pile (hint: it will not take you a month).
     This process is called the Leitner System and it works for every subject. You are trying to figure out how long your brain can retain information (days, weeks or months) and study accordingly. You can remember Albany more easily that Pierre, so study Pierre more often that Albany. Not only do you have more time to study, you have much less to study.
     Here is a graph to help you out:

I'll See You at the Movies, Roger Ebert

      Roger Joseph Ebert, aged 70, passed away two days ago on April 4. He was the most prominent and prolific movie critic of his generation. Ebert is survived by his loving wife, Chaz Ebert, his step-children and grandchildren.

          Ebert's death feels like Vonnegut's and Updike's. I discovered all three authors when I was in high school. I never read a single movie review before I went to his website. I don't think a week passed since then when I didn't wait for Ebert's thoughts on what was playing.

          No, I didn't wait for Ebert to tell me how to think. That's not how movie criticism works. I saw The Master and The Raid: Redemption despite scathing reviews by him. Reading Ebert is similar to debating a friend on which Scorsese movie is the best. Or whether The Tree of Life was overrated. You want validation but you also want someone to occasionally challenge you, make you explain yourself, support your beliefs.

          Almost as much as any other author, Ebert has influenced my writing. Besides being features editor, I also contribute movie and TV reviews to the Insider section of the Beacon. Ebert taught me the purpose of a review. It's not an open forum to spew your private likes and dislikes, it's a recommendation to a reader. The reader has to trust you and you have to earn that trust.

          Every time I write a review, I try to convince someone to hand over money to a theater. I want people to go out of their way and see NO or The Place Beyond the Pines. I try to convince them that these movies are worth two hours of one's life.

          But Ebert did much more than that. Although he never labeled himself, he was an atheist, a secularist, a liberal and a gun control advocate. Those views we are so afraid of sharing, he wrote books and syndicated columns about them. About his own impending death he said:

I know [death] is coming, and I do not fear it, because I believe there is nothing on the other side of death to fear. I hope to be spared as much pain as possible on the approach path. I was perfectly content before I was born, and I think of death as the same state.

     He is, of course, channeling Mark Twain, another great author who was also an atheist. I like to think that Ebert would have felt the same way had he lived before Twain.

     My own views about death are not as poetic. No one knows what happens after death, and if someone did, I wouldn't believe him. We are all agnostics before the end. So I turn to science and logic in moments of doubt. This is why I want to be buried instead of cremated. I want living organisms to feed on me as I have fed on them. I want to be part of the soil and the cosmos after that.

     And I'm channeling Richard Dawkins and Neil Tyson. But, I like to think I would feel this way even without them.

     Lastly, I want to thank Roger Ebert for introducing me to Scorsese, Malick, Park, Inarritu, Herzog and countless of other great directors. I want to thank him for explaining Kubrick, Welles, Hitchcock and Scott to me. And I want to thank him for improving my writing, for letting me stand on a giant when reviewing movies.

     The world is a poorer place without you but so much richer because of you. We will see each other in a world of peace and freedom, at the movies, if the accident will.

Roger Joseph Ebert (1943-2013)

4 Books That Will Improve Your Writing

Every college class has one thing in common, they all require writing. Often, your grade will depend equally on your writing skills as they will in the content of your writing. The two most important rules about writing are as follows:
1) Omit unnecessary words.
2) Use the appropriate word at the appropriate time.
Here are four books that will help you with those rules:

4) The Associated Press Stylebook

Ever wonder why most newspaper and magazine articles read similarly? As if every writer in America congregated yearly and decided on one style?
The answer is the AP Stylebook.

 

The Associated Press is a news-gathering organization that feeds stories to newspapers across America. It was funded in 1846 to help newspapers in New York City cover the war with Mexico. Since the entire purpose of the organization was delivering news quickly, it made sense to write in a minimalist style (rule #1). In other words, the reporters were writing as if each word (regardless of the number of letters) cost the same amount to telegraph to NYC. The style was then adopted by most publications.
Try this at home: read an article (online or print) and see how many words can be erased. Pretend someone is paying you a dollar per word. One catch, if the article does not make sense after editing, then no payment is given.
You can even try it on this blog.
Quick question: do you suffer injuries or do you receive injuries? Page 141 tell us that "injuries are suffered" and not sustained or received.
What's the difference between writing President Obama and Obama, the president? Page 225 says that "president" should only be capitalized when used as an official title.
Is it two-fold or twofold? Page 112 teaches that any word ending in "fold" does not have a hyphen.
The AP Stylebook reads like a dictionary for writing. Every word is punctuated and capitalized if it is stylistically correct to do so. And if you don't know whether to use fewer or less, farther or further, or lay or lie; the Stylebook can help. Both words and their usages are are written in the same page.

3) The Elements of Style

William Strunk Jr. and (later) E.B. White decided to write down the basic guidelines of writing the English language. They came up with five. Five guidelines that address almost every problem and confusion when it comes to writing.



One simple rule is behind them all, omit unnecessary words.
A whole chapter is dedicated to removing common non-contributing phrases such as:

The question as to whether
There is no doubt that
He is a man who

The book also teaches how to replace unnecessary and passive words with active ones.

"Hastily" instead of "in a hasty manner"
"Although" instead of "despite the fact that"
"The arrival" instead of "the fact that it arrived"

The fact that this book only has 105 pages is testament of the authors' commitment to minimalism.
Although my first rule is borrowed directly from this book, the other is also heavily influenced by it. An entire section is devoted to commonly missused words and phrases, but on a more basic level than the AP Stylebook.

Less or fewer? One refers to a quantity and the other to a number.
Leave it or let it? "Let" is an active verb as in "let go of the..."
Loan or Lend? Use "lend" as a verb and "loan" as a noun.

And that's only the "L" section. 

2) Writing for the Mass Media

I have kept this textbook since I was a sophomore because of a certain popular saying, "If you cannot explain it to a child, you do not understand it well enough."

  

James Glen Stovall understands writing and here he explains it to us. This book is nothing more than recipes: how to write a feature story, press release, radio spot or a newspaper advertisement. Stovall tells you the ingredients and the preparation.
Remember that time when that student asked a stupid question? The professor answered with disdain and moved on with the lecture. But a large number of students were relieved because they were too afraid to ask that question.
This textbook is full of those moments when Stovall answers a question that most were afraid to ask. What's a slug line? Which words are capitalized? How do you write the date?
Stovall treats us like children, with patience.

1) The Old Man and the Sea

Here is another famous saying: "If you can't write it in a paragraph, you can't write it."
Ernest Hemingway would spend an entire morning on a single paragraph of "The Old Man and the Sea". The novel won the Pulitzer Prize. Hemingway won the Nobel Prize in Literature. Yes, it's that good.

  

Hemingway described his main character, Santiago, with one sentence:

He was an old man who fished alone in the Gulf Stream and he had gone eighty-four days now without taking a fish.

Everything you need to know about Santiago, his struggles, the stakes; it's all there. No unnecessary words, though.
Santiago hunts a giant Marlin off the coast off Cuba for days. The Marlin takes Santiago farther into the Gulf Stream as it struggles for survival. Hemingway tells the story in 127 pages; no chapters nor breaks in the novel.
Reading this novel may ruin other lesser books. The economy of language exemplifies the minimalist style. Hemingway reports on Santiago, as if he had interviewed him and researched the neccessary details at a later time.
Hemingway (like Vonnegut and Twain) was a journalist before becoming a novelist.
The reason I picked this novel (aside from it being one of my favorites) is to demonstrate that this style of writing is not exclusive to writing for newspapers. Writing an essay in a minimalist style with th AP Stylebook for reference will shave pages of your next report or essay. From experience, I can tell you that getting a point across is the most difficult part about essay-writing. Using the appropriate words and style will reduce the difficulty.